Monthly Archives: August 2013

crushes 3: adele

The first time words she said to me were about this guy who broke her heart. The next words I heard her say were about this guy who had broken her heart and again and again and again. While many times I would be uneasy hearing a girl that I have a crush on talk about how fully she had given herself to another man, the scars of your heart remind me of us they keep us thinking that we almost had it all, with her it was different.


For the special people I remember where I was standing when I first saw them, I remember what they were wearing, I remember what I felt and I even remember the last time I felt that way. With Adele it was like that. I can remember seeing that video  rolling in the deep as she sat and crooned about the worst kind of heartbreak. The kind where a future between the two of you is still possible but one thing went wrong, just one thing and if it hadn’t you would have had it all. All and everything but now it seems that you were fated to have nothing but a memory. The thing about this memory is that it will be bittersweet given enough time. When you hark back to it there will be a smile on your face, a wry smile that tugs at you because it’s a smile that’s breaking out of sadness. It holds all the stories of lost possibility and you know that whenever you smile that way, no matter how happy you are, even if you are a grandfather and the grandma has been in your life for decades, you know that when you smile that smile you will always think what if?


Plus there was a cocaine ninja in that video. To this day I can’t interpret what that video is about. The ninja sits there and has more cocaine than Tony Montana ever consumed in his life, he cartwheels and dances and slashes and powder of white flies everywhere as Ms Adele sits calm as a sea in her chair and sings that beautiful song. It’s difficult to separate a message from its medium of delivery, I could fuck up every single one of Obama’s speeches it doesn’t matter that I may have better writers I could never move people the way he does. I could never caress the words just right, take the pause just long, look in the camera just deep, make the delivery just good enough. So I wonder if the words of Adele’s songs would carry as much weight or cut as deep as they do if they weren’t being delivered in this beautiful voice. This is not the voice of an angel unless his name be Lucifer. I hadn’t listened to her for such a long time then I heard a song of hers and it silenced things. It’s the kind of voice that does that for me, it quiets things down, it makes everything around it seem less worldly.


There’s a Greek philosopher who believed there were things in an ideal state and that what we saw in the world were poor carbon copies of what really existed. It’s the reason things taste so much better in your mind than they do when you eat them. And that’s what Adele’s voice seems to me, it seems like it’s something from that other world that makes all the rest of the sounds we hear here somehow inferior.


Plus she has a filthy mouth. I don’t know why I’m surprised whenever any of these celebrities says the word fuck. It’s a pleasant surprise don’t get me wrong especially when it’s from someone who so rarely uses any strong language at least in their songs. But when she gives an interview or a concert she will say fuck! She will say fuck! And trust me she will say fuck! She says it a lot but not in a manner that’s out to shock anyone just in a manner that says there are times when the whole of the English language deserves to be given a whirl and in those moments she won’t hold back because of a false sense of modesty. She won’t be surprised when it slips out of her mouth, she won’t try to chase it down and she definitely will never apologise for finding in her mind and in her mouth something that expresses how she feels inside. It’s one of the personal milestones in my life when a girl says fuck around me and is comfortable about it. Because this word must be pulled out of its arsenal in some situations. It shows confidence and an unwillingness to live by rules of morality that don’t hurt anyone. This fierce streak of independence is something I like a lot and while it is not true for most people I love a filthy mouth.


In a concert she was giving she was talking about a song of hers that had been sung by so many people in the x factor, she mentioned 2 names and someone in the audience booed. Adele did not shy away from this and pretend that all musicians have solidarity and do not express criticism of each other, “yeeah, booo. Wait who are you booing” the guy shouts back the name, she realises she was booing the other one and comes to the defence of the girl. In one fell swoop showing both honesty (in that spirit let’s admit there’s a tinge of malice there too) and empathy. Then she lets out one of her cackles. She can giggle I think, she can laugh I’ve heard it but boy can she cackle. When it strikes her fancy she’ll let her head back and let go of the sort of laugh that cuts through air and stone. The kind of laugh that lets you know the neighbours have guests. In fact the kind of laugh you can almost hear the witches in Macbeth let go as they con the Scot in rhyme and time.


It’s a big laugh. It’s a huge laugh and it promises that there’s something inside of her. Something big and joyful that only needs to be poked in order to be let out. Her personality seems so different from her songs. In music she seems so sad, so full of nostalgia and regret. What you expect is a lot of wistful sighs and a never ending game of remember-when? Then she lets out this huge cackle, this beast of a laugh and you remember that people are never just one thing. That there are multitudes in all our souls that everyone really is as complicated and surprising as you wish they would see you are. She makes me realise this by covering this spectrum of joy and sorrow, of regret and being able to live in the moment enough to just laugh. Plus she’s hot!!!!! Hot! Hot! Hot! And she has that wonderful British accent, it’s wonderful. I have no idea how anyone could sit through an Adele concert and not be completely in love with her. 


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